Redeemed To Myself
Is It Possible To Be Redeemed To Myself?
Never mind what God thinks of me. Is it possible to be redeemed to myself? All my life I have seen myself as unworthy and unloveable and un, un… It has been a chronic situation and one that good works and positive affirmations only slightly phase. But then the slow slide down the slippery slope would find me back in the ‘un’s again.
My Guidance Comes From Within Now
But something has changed in my life. Whereas I had always been trying to meet a higher standard set forth by this religion or that self-help book without much success, in the past 13 years I have come to know a deeper part of myself called Knowledge–the mind of God within me. I am no longer following the doctrines of the church or the advice of another unless it resonates deeply with this Knowing within me. We all contain this endowment from the Creator but we have all lost contact with it in our daily lives in this separated reality and must do the work of reclaiming it.
“You cannot find it [Redemption] through the scriptures. You cannot find it through the great texts or the sacred places. For all these can do is bring you back to that essential aspect that lives within you, that is still connected to God, that holds the power of redemption and the journey that you must take towards redemption in your life, wherever you are in life. Even if you are at the beginning of life or the middle or towards the end, it is the same.” The One God, Chaper 8, The Redemption – Marshall Vian Summers
My Individual Redemption
I was always trying to meet someone else’s standard of redemption–my parents, my church, someone else’s Native American ancestors… It was always about doing service for someone or some group but on some level I think I resented that it did not emerge from my own volition. What about trusting my own deeper Knowledge–the part of me that has never left God? There is a wonderful quote from Mother Teresa that sums up my need to follow a deeper knowing within rather than some belief given to me second-hand:
“You see,in the final analysis it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.” – Do It Anyway – Mother Teresa
It Has Always Been Between Me And God
So in the end, it does matter what God thinks. It has always been between me and God. This is an individual journey. I cannot blame my failures on anyone else BUT my successes are due to my own decisions and hard work as well. It is not done without the help of others–for I do nothing alone–but following the deeper inclination of Knowledge has been a profoundly redemptive path for me. I am establishing a level of self-trust unknown in my previous life. And along with this self-trust, self-appreciation and self-love are growing as well.
“What is important now is what you serve, what you follow and what directs your life, now and tomorrow and the days to come. That is what is important. That is what will fulfill you if you can follow it, or that which will leave you in confusion and shadow if you cannot.” The One God, Chaper 8, The Redemption – Marshall Vian Summers
The Me God Knows
I see my service to humanity, at this very challenging time in our history, as the very reason I have come to the world at this time–my purpose, if you will. In these 13 years, I have come closer to following that Knowledge within me and it has brought me closer to knowing the me that God knows. But there have been times when I have gone back to my old ways of following the beliefs of society. And things have fallen apart. It feels like, having found a true path for myself, the consequences for veering away become more painful. I am coming to know who I truly am and I do not want to be lost to myself again.
“God will not punish you, but you can still live in misery, as you have done so before. God is giving you a way out of misery—not a way out of the world, but a way out of misery—by giving you the pathway to re-engage with the Source of your life and to bring your soul back to union with the deeper part of you that has never left God. This is the redemption.” The One God, Chaper 8, The Redemption – Marshall Vian Summers